In America We Like to Call This ‘Assault.”
Why is it that suddenly when you’re sporting a baby bump, all rules of etiquette seem to go out the window? I had an experience at a family gathering recently, where an in-law relative (a particularly irritating, off-putting one) came over to me and eagerly puts her hands all over my abdomen while simultaneously asking permission- can I feel?
Listen lady. Firstly, at least pretend to wait until I answer before you go ahead and do it anyway. Secondly, NO. Keep your grabby hands to yourself. The catch here is that by saying no, you feel like an ogre who doesn’t appreciate peoples genuine enthusiasm about your impending family addition. But truly, I don’t walk around feeling peoples bodies without permission, and I expect people to have the same courtesy. In America we like to call that ‘assault.’
I think people work under the assumption that all pregnant women are simply ecstatic to be sharing their bodies with someone else, and since they’re already sharing, they may as well be public property. Yes, I’m lucky to be having a healthy pregnancy. Yes, I’m grateful and know that many women would kill to be in my position. That doesn’t mean that I’m without ambivalence. Being pregnant is a time when in an attempt to gain something (a child) you’re also losing many aspects of the life you’ve had until now- like being the proprietor of your own person, and not a landlord- and that’s no small thing. Add to that the fact that your hormones are totally being screwed with 24/7. So please, a little sensitivity, people?
This brings me to my next point- weight gain. On three occasions so far, I’ve run into people who haven’t seen me since before I was pregnant, to meet the exclamation, “you’re huge!” As if that’s what I want to hear? So I have politely, in each situation, said, “I don’t think you should say that to people…” The person then gets defensive, and says something like, “but I didn’t mean anything by it— I just mean because you’re pregnant—” Then I have to say, “Yes, I realize I am pregnant. Thank you for the information. However, no one likes to be told they are huge.” For some reason, this seems beyond people’s grasp, and I can only assume it’s from the same ignorance that causes people to think it’s ok to manhandle your belly.
I should not have to argue this point. Body image is a complicated issue for all women, let alone hormonal, womb-renting women who are gaining weight somewhat beyond their control. No one likes to have their increasing size pointed out to them. Yes, thank you, I realize I am expanding. I’m not happy about it. It should be obvious that this is one of those things you simply keep to yourself.
For some reason, pregnancy seems to be exempt from all rules of tact, and of all times, it should not be. If you meet someone ugly on the street, do you say, “GOD you’re ugly!” No.