Women and Cars: The Blog!

Why is it that suddenly when you’re sporting a baby bump, all rules of etiquette seem to go out the window? I had an experience at a family gathering recently, where an in-law relative (a particularly irritating, off-putting one) came over to me and eagerly puts her hands all over my abdomen while simultaneously asking permission- can I feel?

Listen lady. Firstly, at least pretend to wait until I answer before you go ahead and do it anyway. Secondly, NO. Keep your grabby hands to yourself. The catch here is that by saying no, you feel like an ogre who doesn’t appreciate peoples genuine enthusiasm about your impending family addition. But truly, I don’t walk around feeling peoples bodies without permission, and I expect people to have the same courtesy. In America we like to call that ‘assault.’
I think people work under the assumption that all pregnant women are simply ecstatic to be sharing their bodies with someone else, and since they’re already sharing, they may as well be public property. Yes, I’m lucky to be having a healthy pregnancy. Yes, I’m grateful and know that many women would kill to be in my position. That doesn’t mean that I’m without ambivalence. Being pregnant is a time when in an attempt to gain something (a child) you’re also losing many aspects of the life you’ve had until now- like being the proprietor of your own person, and not a landlord- and that’s no small thing. Add to that the fact that your hormones are totally being screwed with 24/7. So please, a little sensitivity, people?

This brings me to my next point- weight gain. On three occasions so far, I’ve run into people who haven’t seen me since before I was pregnant, to meet the exclamation, “you’re huge!” As if that’s what I want to hear? So I have politely, in each situation, said, “I don’t think you should say that to people…” The person then gets defensive, and says something like, “but I didn’t mean anything by it— I just mean because you’re pregnant—” Then I have to say, “Yes, I realize I am pregnant. Thank you for the information. However, no one likes to be told they are huge.” For some reason, this seems beyond people’s grasp, and I can only assume it’s from the same ignorance that causes people to think it’s ok to manhandle your belly.
I should not have to argue this point. Body image is a complicated issue for all women, let alone hormonal, womb-renting women who are gaining weight somewhat beyond their control. No one likes to have their increasing size pointed out to them. Yes, thank you, I realize I am expanding. I’m not happy about it. It should be obvious that this is one of those things you simply keep to yourself.
For some reason, pregnancy seems to be exempt from all rules of tact, and of all times, it should not be. If you meet someone ugly on the street, do you say, “GOD you’re ugly!” No.

Since this is a website about cars, I thought maybe I’d begin with something on that topic:
I do not have a driver’s license. Yes, people, I’m aware that I am way too old for that. My excuse is that from 17-22 I was living in Manhattan and didn’t need one, but the real reason is because it scares me. Now, I am a relatively intelligent and capable human being, and live in the suburbs, and am about to have a baby. Like, what am I supposed to do when it needs shots and has doctor’s appointments? Also, 16 year olds drive. And morons, which are almost just like sixteen-year-olds. I know this. The Freudian in me thinks I’m afraid of driving because I have these distinct memories- which I now assume were really dreams- of being alone as a small child in the backseat of an empty car, in drive, and out of control. I’d have to climb into the front seat and try to simultaneously reach the pedals and steer as the car careened down the curving tree-lined hill of the street of my childhood home.

I realize now that this is because sometimes, if I fell asleep in the car while my mom was doing errands, she would just leave me in there if I was still asleep when she got home. Bad idea, mom. I used to wake up terrified, and clearly, it caused these insane dreams and now an adult handicap. Being the mature woman I am, I now I have to conquer this and get out there on the road. I am salivating for the privilege of driving our ‘97 Avalon that only *just* barely passes inspection and always has the check engine light on. Welcome to life on a budget.
Anyway… more to come on this endeavor. I’m giving myself until the baby is born to have it done.

I suppose here is where I am supposed to tell you all a little about myself. I am a 23 year old woman, living in the New York Metro area. After majoring in philosophy in college (useless, anyone?) I dabbled in getting an MSW, then got married, had a career crisis, dropped out, and am currently scheduled to have my first baby in about two months. Career-wise I am what I like to call “in between things.” Like, in between nothing and something. Maybe someone out there in internet-land has a suggestion or two for me. My contributions to this blog will probably range greatly from my arbitrary (I am on strike against the word random. It is overused.) musings on whatever I am reading or watching, and life as the female half of a young couple on a tight budget, and soon-to-be-mom.

Hopefully I’ll keep you all interested, and I’m really looking forward to lots of feedback (positive or negative) on my writing.