Women and Cars: The Blog!

“Are we there yet???”
How many of us have uttered those words throughout our lives? I can recall a montage of scenes of myself at different ages, always in the squishy backseat of my parents’ assorted cars, with me or one of my siblings whining (in between elbowing each other) that we wanted to get to our destination yesterday! Heck, I’m a 30-year-old woman and I think I asked my date that last week.
Anyhoo, speaking of being 30, many women my age have begun to give thought to having children, if they haven’t already. They’ve been wrestling with how many kids they want, where to raise them, if they should freeze their eggs (oy!). I want to get off this annoyingly serious vein and pose another question: What kind of Car Ma are you?
That’s right! When your kid inevitably asks you in the most annoying tone in the world if you’re there yet, are you going to: Scream at them to pipe down? Ignore them? Distract them with the license plate game (oh dear me)? Answer them truthfully in a nice tone of voice? Continue the conversation and ask them what’s up in their world?
I really think that the way you respond to this question indicates just what kind of mom you will be. Are you going to be easily ruffled, annoyed, resourceful, understanding, interested? Call is a diagnostic personality test if you will, invented by yours truly. Because think of this utterly brilliant wrinkle: car ma = karma.

So, make sure you plan to be nice to your kiddiepoo or the heavens will respond accordingly. One day you might find yourself in the back of a cab, late yet again to dinner /work/drinks with some lucky man, and you will ask your cabbie if you’re there yet… Don‘t you want him to respond by stepping on it?

Is there anything sexier than a man’s butt(ocks) on the leather seat of a car? Doesn’t matter if the vehicle is hot or not, although if it’s a suave car you’re rocking, it’s more likely that by the end of the night, a chica will do more than come a-knocking.
How I digress! In any case, I’ll never forget the cheesy novel I read as an overheated adolescent, where the sizzling, down-home dude loved his ol’ pickup so much that he couldn’t get rid of it, even though it had seen better days. He had sat in the driver’s seat so many times that the cushions were molded to his tush!
Sweet fancy Moses!! How that fluttered my 12-year-old heart! Don’t get me started on what the idea of seatwarmers did to me as a 16-year-old. (Yup, that’s right, some cars will heat up the tush pad so your cute little man’s butt doesn’t freeze.) Makes me wonder why I jumped out of a car at the end of a date when I was a 19-year-old, but that’s a story for another time.

Talk about over-budgeting! In an ill considered fit of money conciousness about a month ago, I cancelled my Roadrunner service and no longer have internet in my apartment. Instead, I have it on my Blackberry and am saving around $10 buckaroos a month. That’s all fine and dandy when I want to write short emails, but thumb texting isn’t really conducive to typing long emails and blog entries. As such, I’ve been reduced to copping the internet wherever I can get it. So, you’ll find me tapping away furiously at various computers belong to: my neighbor Ilanit, my local library branch (which is sooo ghetto), my parents, my friend Izzy on w. 100th St….
Izzy was actually kind enough to let me come over when he was done with work, which is why I’m writing a blog entry at 12:19am while he cleans up his kitchen. He was also kind enough to give me some leftover Indian food from his fridge, which is why my lips are stained an odd flourescent color (somewhere in the yellow/green family), my mouth is on fire and my Weight Watchers diet has been sabotaged for the millionth time. But hey, it was yummy! Love those curries! (Did that rhyme? Sorta!)
Going back to what I said about my local library branch, named after the mysterious St. Agnes, being all ghetto and stuff. I am truly perplexed by its lack of resources, especially computers. You actually have to make a reservation for a rare 45 minute window of time the day before you want to use it! What the heck is happening to my tax dollars? Isn’t the Upper West Side one of the richest neighborhoods in America? Don’t tell me my hard earned funds are being spent on better ticketing methods or something. There has to be a conspiracy at work here.
Enough of my fit of picque. I would be remiss if I did not mention that Jonathan Rhys-Myers and the guy who plays his best friend, Charles Brandon, on The Tudors, continue to be hotter than hell! I really must pay my debt to Showtime.
Also, the dreamily grinning Sanjaya was voted off of American Idol last week. I really enjoyed his talent-challenged run and was hoping he would go all the way. Sadly, it is not to be, although I’m sure he’ll find a way to debut his bizarre hairstyles in another forum. And isn’t it amazing that he was invited to the White House Correspondents Dinner with Tim Gunn of Project Runway? Shows where our country’s priorities are. Hey, who am I to criticize? Give me Us Weekly over The New York Times any day. Although it was interesting to see In Touch mag (also known as Cheaple) try to be all serious and do a cover story on the Virginia Tech tragedy.
But I digress. Earlier tonight I had an odd desire to go down to a specific block in the Village, W. 8th St. and 6th Ave., where I knew they had some faboo stores I could happily poke around in.. I definitely wanted a slight change of scenery and very much enjoyed browsing in the C.O. Bigelow Pharmacy (which could also be called an apothecary) and smelling the $50 candles. Seiously, they are so heavenly but how could I ever justify dishing out so much dough for a glorified puddle of wax? Still, I know I’ve made it when I own a number of Tocca and Diptyque candles.
In any case, I ended up - where else? - sprawled out in an aisle in Barnes and Noble. Do I ever do anything else? I might as well have been on the Upper West Side. But still, I knew I was somewhere different.
Uh oh campers! The night is no longer young and I must bid Izzy goodbye and head into the dark night to go home.

OMG!! So I got all four of my wisdom teeth out this afternoon!! I lived to tell the tale but it was much more of an ordeal than I thought it would be. Since I (thank G-d and SonicCare a million times) have never had a cavity, I’ve never had Novocaine and didn’t realize that I would be the lucky recipient of around six shots with a massive needle! I was really terrified and shaking. The anticipation was worse than anything else but as I reclined (too comfortable a word - more like lay prone) on the dentist chair, I realized that the shots and pain were nothing compared to what childbirth entails, and vowed then and there to never have children!

Okay, that is a little much but I don’t do well with pain and had not sufficiently prepared myself emotionally. I kept my eyes closed the whole time and really just felt pressure rather than pain, but hearing them break my teeth out of my gums was hideous and I can’t get the noise out of my head.

I’ll stop grossing you out now. Anyhoo, they gave me painkillers which are working okay. The more interesting part is the type of painkiller: OxyCondone. Having worked in Psych/Pharmacology and also having a personal interest in the field of substance abuse, I know that this drug is super addictive and is wreaking havoc on small towns throughout America. So I really was hesitant to take it today and asked my dad to count the pills and dispense them to me. He refused to take the bottle, thinking I was being silly, but I am going to monitor my usage closely!
My reaction to OxyCondone got me thinking and I went to the Faces of Meth website. Have y’all checked it out? It’s a cautionary site devoted to educating people why they should not abuse Methamphetamine. Let me enlighten you: Meth is a terrifying, horrible drug that is almost instantly addictive and kills your brain and body. The site is really effective because it uses before/after photographs to demonstrate the shocking physical changes that addicts experienced over very short periods of time. It’s amazing how an attractive person can become ugly, scary and look haunted in just three months! I know that most people think they will never do hard drugs but you never know where life will take you, so I recommend that you check out this website and show it to your loved ones as well. It’s good to arm yourself with knowledge that will stop you from making a really destructive mistake.

Okay, I’m off my soapbox and the tangent is complete. On to another subject- why I chose to get my teeth out in the first place. I should have done it fifteen years ago when they first started bothering me. Yes, you heard right: fifteen freaking years ago!! Somehow I always put it off and this resulted in my evil wisdom teeth crowding my mouth and pushing my other teeth around, ruining the lovely result of my adolescent braces. (Was I called Tinsel Teeth and Railroad Tracks by my sister for nothing?!) So now my front teeth are a little crooked and I’ve looked into getting Invisiline to correct them. However, I was informed that the wisdom suckers had to go before anything could be done.
So, it basically boiled down to vanity. Yes, vanity, they name is woman! One woman in particular - Miss Erica aka Eriberrypie. Yes, Invisiline is around $5,000 but is that too high a price to pay for beauty?? Am I nuts?? I’ve done some soul searching and know that I am way too fixated on maintaining/enhancing my G-d given looks, and am trying to look in the mirror less and concentrate on my inner self more. However, it’s hard to break the habit I’ve had for at least 2/3 of my life so I’m going to have to cut myself some slack.
It doesn’t help that I’ve been really stressed since, for the first time in literally years, I have a drop of acne. I’ve really been flipping out about that, to the point of driving myself absolutely batty. The silliest part is that I asked alot of my friends if they noticed anything, and even went to the dermatologist, and they all told me that they didn’t see any problem. In fact, they went as far as to say I have good skin! Still, in my mind they don’t see what I see and I still am not satisfied. Obsess much? I guess this will ultimately be a good thing and help me overcome my fear of aging and somehow becoming less attractive, but I’m going to have to battle my way through this. I guess I’ll be reading less crack-like magazines such as UsWeekly and In Style, which focus on being thin and beautiful, and try to read more serious tomes. Like War and Peace or something. Ha!

Don’t you just love the word ‘tome’??
On to my fave subject - food! I need to stick to soft foods like jell-o, mashed potatoes and soup for now since my teeth are sensitive. I love jell-o so this shouldn’t be a problem!
I have to say, I’m so glad I’m back to blogging regularly. I don’t want to lose YOU, my lovely audience, and it’s just so cathartic to write down all the things that have been swirling around in my head.
This has been one heckuva entry. I need to lie down. Have a good weekend!

Soooo, I’ve had many actor/rockstar crushes throughout my life, particularly in my preteen years through adolescence. Some were thankfully short lived (the lead singer from Warrant), some were good for the time (Axl Rose, Eddie Vedder) and some have lived on FOREVAH!! Well, really just one.
And that one goregous piece of tush was….Jordan Catalano. As played by Jared Leto, he was the school bad boy/hunk of burning love on one of the best shows ever, My So Called Life!

This entry now takes a turn for the mournful. Sadly, as I ranted earlier this year, Jared the actor has not lived up to the promise of Jordan’s unbelievable early sizzle. He’s gotten weird over the years and is focused on his supposedly silly band, ‘30 Seconds to Mars.’ So, he’s now more of an emo wannabe and maker of bizarre music videos. Also, as my favorite blogger, MK from DListed, would say: he tries too hard to fight the hotness! These days, he either gains a disgusting amount of weight for a role or becomes way too skinny. He also makes it a practice to prance around in way too much eyeliner, since it makes him look like a badass or something.
Jared, please, I implore you: stick to acting!

Despite all this, nothing will ever negate how HAWT his character was in My So Called Life! As a hormonal 15 year old, I swooned over Jordan Catalano (along with the rest of the world’s female population). Now, as a (still hormonal but more contained) 29 year old, I drool just as hard. If not harder, really, since I know that such hot guys are hard to come by!
How hot was he? How do I count the ways? Was it his angelic blue eyes? His sickeningly clear complexion? His beautifully sloping nose? His amazing, long and silky hair, which I was just dying to run my hands through? As Ricky Vasquez said on the show, I also loved the way he leaned….
They just don’t make them like that anymore. So, if you want to see this piece of heaven, check out some clips of him on YouTube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VSfFARigW_o. You might want to keep a bucket of water handy to douse yourself after…

Yes, believe it or not, I accomplished this almost impossible feat. On Friday I set out on my lunch break, intent on getting the lovely manicure/pedicure combo that saves my nails from their hideous natural state. It was not to be, since one tiny shop was packed to the gills with anxious women just dying to have their nails worked over, and after spending a pleasant 10 minutes reading Us Magazine, I stomped out of there in search of a place that could take me in a more timely manner. Alas, I did not have the cash required of the spa-like establishment nearby (they wanted to charge me 12 freaking buckaroos), so I had to leave in disgrace, with no treatment and naked nails.
This was an emergency since I am going to be a bridesmaid in a good friend’s wedding tomorrow and couldn’t possibly allow my hands to be photographed that way. I therefore bit the bullet and actually applied polish myself.
You don’t understand how amazing this is. I have become a cliche, overly dependent on a series of foreign manicurists and convinced I had neither the time nor the talent to properly buff, file, massage and ultimately apply a base coat and two coats of color to my nails. Having been forced to do this however, I realized that I had been brainwashed by the obsessively consumerist culture and lost faith in my natural abilities.
I think I will next attempt to do my own pedicure. It’s a daring, almost dangerous idea, but you have to go out on a limb sometimes, right?
Oh yeah, I also started my new job this week. It’s going well and I’m proud of how I did. But I have to admit I’m just a wee smidgen prouder of my homegrown and heimish manicure.

I currently work on the Upper West Side (not for long - I’m audi on Feb. 23), which is not exactly the beehive of worker activity and cement jungle that is Midtown. Before this, I always wondered who the non-working people were. Who is home during the day when everyone else is working??
For the past year and a half that I’ve been on this job, I’ve glimpsed these easy living folks on my lunch breaks. And I’ve discovered that they are:

-Nannies of different ethnicities pushing Bugaboo strollers containing cute (priveleged) children - they’re actually working;

-Ladies of leisure who don’t have to work (presumably because their menfolk and/or trust funds take care of them) and get to do their nails, lunch and go to the gym as a profession. (That sounds delightful to me.)

-Older, retired folk who amble slowly down the street, take forever while I’m standing behind them in line in CVS and give me dirty looks when I put my feet on a chair in Barnes and Nobles. The last two things actually happened today - resulting in this grumpy blurb. (To be fair, I guess I shouldn’t have put my dirty feet on the chair, but come on, I was tired!)

-Other random dudes of all ages - I can’t imagine why they’re not working. Are they actors? Models? Do they have night jobs? Or did they just ‘call in sick’? If this were the Meatpacking District or Chelsea I would feel safe labeling them as Eurotrash, but this is the bourgeois Upper West! I guess I’ll never know…oh, the drama!

In any case, when I go on to a new job, presumably in more of a business district, I will miss the leisurely pace of working here. Nevermind that I live ten minutes away by bus and often go home on my lunch break. I am realllllyyyy going to miss that.
In other earthshattering news, I have a new food obsession: yogurt with granola, fruit and honey. It is soooo yummy and a Greek type of food. Those Greeks really know what they’re doing; don’t get me started on baklava.
Dang, I’m making myself hungry. Off to pop popcorn (and annoy my coworkers as the aroma wafts all over the office - hee hee).